Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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