I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
