Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
