you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
