Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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