Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
