i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
