her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
