I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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