you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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