She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize