So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
