I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
