I think my vagina is haunted
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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