What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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