I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
