After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
