Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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