I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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