I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
