I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
