It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I supernannyed him into submission
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
