I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
