it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
