hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
