I wanna passion pit in your ass
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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