Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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