I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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