guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
