This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize