why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
