i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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