just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
