onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
