Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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