Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
