whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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