Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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