Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dear god my vagina.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
