moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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