her vagine was all disorganized.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
