can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
