If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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