I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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