i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
