i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
