I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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