i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
