is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
