the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Your cock deserves a montage
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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