His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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