Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize