so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
