Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
