My first STD was from a foam party
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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