just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
