duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
