The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
