So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
