Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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