My first STD was from a foam party
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My Sexting was not on an AP level
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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