i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Randomize
