Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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