I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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