I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
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I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
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drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races