Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs