i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
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you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
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I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.