from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
