Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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