my being single is dangerous.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
