Me too!
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
