i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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