He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Panties = found
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
