I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
