I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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