I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
