If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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