The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
