What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
