like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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