What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
