Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
