I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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